Yesterday I heard a gay minister talk on this very subject. He presented a lot of information on the difference between the legal and religious aspects of gay marriages and felt strongly that it came down far more to the religious side than the legal. The legal is simply about money, while the religious can shake people to the very core of who they believe they are and what is "right".
The religious side is intangible...it's really about what is acceptable in our society and more people have a problem with what they feel is right. Most people don't seem to take issue with the money side of the controversy...or over if a partner should have the right to make medical decisions on the behalf of their sick partner...
It comes down to moral beliefs and practices. Not everyone feels negatively about gay marriages; Many people have never thought about what it really means for two women or two men to marry. We don't see beyond the social unacceptability of same-gendered sex. As Dr. Reverend Mark pointed out, "Who invited you to watch anyway!"
Why is it wrong for people to love each other and want to be together in some type of a holy union? It's not. People are people. Gay or straight, we all want the same things...to be loved; to be accepted; to be allowed to be ourselves. We are making progress...it's just taking us some time!
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Monday, April 9, 2007
More and Better Orgasms Through Better Communication
Communication is one of the biggest things that we as human beings struggle with and it is so easy to get defensive. It's so difficult to trust that someone else is not trying to hurt us in some way. As women we tend to want/expect that our partner will know what to do or what to say and that's just not very realistic. If it feels better when he moves a little to the left, we have to be willing to tell him to move a little to the left. Ahhh....yes....right there! That's wonderful!
Learn to trust yourself and your partner and be willing to explore better sex through communication. How could he possibly know you have stronger orgasms when he pushes up while you are o'ing? How many more orgasms would we have if we could just say...a little to the left?
Learn to trust yourself and your partner and be willing to explore better sex through communication. How could he possibly know you have stronger orgasms when he pushes up while you are o'ing? How many more orgasms would we have if we could just say...a little to the left?
Friday, April 6, 2007
How to Avoid Intimacy
If you really want to avoid getting closer to your partner, here are the top ten ways to accomplish that goal:
Rule #1: Don’t talk!
Rule #2: Never show your feelings!
Rule #3: Always be pleasant!
Rule #4: Always win!
Rule #5: Always keep busy!
Rule #6: Always be right!
Rule #7: Never argue or disagree!
Rule #8: Make your partner guess what you want!
Rule #9: Always look out for number one!
Rule #10: Keep the television on!
Warning: This in not a comprehensive list. You may have other ways that have worked just as well for you in avoiding intimacy. Make sure to add your own methods to this list and then make sure not to share this list with your partner.
Source: Adapted from the FLEducator. (1985, Winter). 4:2
Rule #1: Don’t talk!
Rule #2: Never show your feelings!
Rule #3: Always be pleasant!
Rule #4: Always win!
Rule #5: Always keep busy!
Rule #6: Always be right!
Rule #7: Never argue or disagree!
Rule #8: Make your partner guess what you want!
Rule #9: Always look out for number one!
Rule #10: Keep the television on!
Warning: This in not a comprehensive list. You may have other ways that have worked just as well for you in avoiding intimacy. Make sure to add your own methods to this list and then make sure not to share this list with your partner.
Source: Adapted from the FLEducator. (1985, Winter). 4:2
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Can the opposite sexes be just friends?
Can there be such a thing as cross-gendered friendships? What would you think if some person of the opposite sex walked up to you and said, "Hey. You look like a nice person and I'm looking for new friends. Would you like to hang out?" Most people would think that was a pick-up line.
This is another age-old question. Is it possible to just be friends with someone of the opposite sex? Think about the times in your life when you tried it out. How did it work for you? According to the stereotypes and the research, it's almost impossible to do.
According to my Gender class, of course it can be done! Well...in my history that was a big challenge, especially if I was single at the time. I do have some good guy friends, but if I met them before I was married, we went out at least once before deciding that wasn't going to work!
The one guy I tried to be just friends with no going out kept pressuring me for more. It’s too bad because we are no longer even friends because of that.
It's too easy to "test the waters" if you put two single opposite-sexed people together to hang out. Why not see what's there? Unless, of course, you're repulsed by them!
It tends to be easier for women to be just friends with men than it is for men to be just friends with women. Most of the time, they hope that they will be able to get at least a little sex out of it!
This is another age-old question. Is it possible to just be friends with someone of the opposite sex? Think about the times in your life when you tried it out. How did it work for you? According to the stereotypes and the research, it's almost impossible to do.
According to my Gender class, of course it can be done! Well...in my history that was a big challenge, especially if I was single at the time. I do have some good guy friends, but if I met them before I was married, we went out at least once before deciding that wasn't going to work!
The one guy I tried to be just friends with no going out kept pressuring me for more. It’s too bad because we are no longer even friends because of that.
It's too easy to "test the waters" if you put two single opposite-sexed people together to hang out. Why not see what's there? Unless, of course, you're repulsed by them!
It tends to be easier for women to be just friends with men than it is for men to be just friends with women. Most of the time, they hope that they will be able to get at least a little sex out of it!
Monday, April 2, 2007
Don't Talk Sports!
Okay guys...here's some really good advice:
DON'T talk about how your favorite team lost a game while you are trying to get your gal to the big O! That's sure to spoil the mood.
Would you like it if your partner started talking about the cutest little dress she just bought while trying to give you a blow job?!?!
I didn't think so.
DON'T talk about how your favorite team lost a game while you are trying to get your gal to the big O! That's sure to spoil the mood.
Would you like it if your partner started talking about the cutest little dress she just bought while trying to give you a blow job?!?!
I didn't think so.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Should your partner strip for you?
I've posted a survey in this month's PleasureMeNow.com's newsletter. I am going to share parts of the readers's responses.
Things NOT to do to turn your mate on:
She tried to do a stripping routine for me once and all the intentions were there, but it just didn't work. I give her an "A" for effort, but at that moment, it was rough.
I suppose that unless you are talented that way, I wouldn't try that one out! Ever seen that episode of King of Queens where Carrie tried out pole dancing for Doug? That didn't work out so well either!
Be creative and have fun, but be careful! In all sorts of ways, be careful!
Things NOT to do to turn your mate on:
She tried to do a stripping routine for me once and all the intentions were there, but it just didn't work. I give her an "A" for effort, but at that moment, it was rough.
I suppose that unless you are talented that way, I wouldn't try that one out! Ever seen that episode of King of Queens where Carrie tried out pole dancing for Doug? That didn't work out so well either!
Be creative and have fun, but be careful! In all sorts of ways, be careful!
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Is porn bad?!
Here is the question:
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years.. we have great sex life.. the only thing is that he likes porn. I don't like knowing this bc it makes me feel like maybe I'm not good enough an it makes me jealous to know hes getting off on watching other women..
He wants to watch it with me an I've tried but it seems to bother me and make me think of him as a perve... is this bad that my bf likes porno? is it normal? does this mean hes going to cheat or something?
Dear Worried,
It is very normal that he likes pornography. Most men do because they are visual creatures; more so than women, but it’s also very common for women to enjoy them. They tap into our imaginations and our fantasies and that’s a big part of good and normal sex.
It’s not an indication at all of cheating! Let that one go. And just because he watches porn, it certainly does not make him a perv. If it is “creepy” porn (violent, children, etc) then I would worry.
And while I know that it’s easy for us as women to feel we are being compared to those girls, that’s not usually the case. As long as he’s really NOT comparing you to them and expecting you to look like them with their photo-shopped bodies! Hopefully he makes you feel special and beautiful and the porns are simply a supplement to your very healthy love life!
On the other hand, don’t ever let someone force you to do something that’s not comfortable for you. Keep in mind also that being open means you will find things you didn’t even know you liked!
Life’s an adventure and hopefully so is your love-life! Good luck and stay true to yourself!
Dori
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years.. we have great sex life.. the only thing is that he likes porn. I don't like knowing this bc it makes me feel like maybe I'm not good enough an it makes me jealous to know hes getting off on watching other women..
He wants to watch it with me an I've tried but it seems to bother me and make me think of him as a perve... is this bad that my bf likes porno? is it normal? does this mean hes going to cheat or something?
Dear Worried,
It is very normal that he likes pornography. Most men do because they are visual creatures; more so than women, but it’s also very common for women to enjoy them. They tap into our imaginations and our fantasies and that’s a big part of good and normal sex.
It’s not an indication at all of cheating! Let that one go. And just because he watches porn, it certainly does not make him a perv. If it is “creepy” porn (violent, children, etc) then I would worry.
And while I know that it’s easy for us as women to feel we are being compared to those girls, that’s not usually the case. As long as he’s really NOT comparing you to them and expecting you to look like them with their photo-shopped bodies! Hopefully he makes you feel special and beautiful and the porns are simply a supplement to your very healthy love life!
On the other hand, don’t ever let someone force you to do something that’s not comfortable for you. Keep in mind also that being open means you will find things you didn’t even know you liked!
Life’s an adventure and hopefully so is your love-life! Good luck and stay true to yourself!
Dori
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