Can the opposite sexes be just friends?

Can there be such a thing as cross-gendered friendships? What would you think if some person of the opposite sex walked up to you and said, "Hey. You look like a nice person and I'm looking for new friends. Would you like to hang out?" Most people would think that was a pick-up line.

This is another age-old question. Is it possible to just be friends with someone of the opposite sex? Think about the times in your life when you tried it out. How did it work for you? According to the stereotypes and the research, it's almost impossible to do.

According to my Gender class, of course it can be done! Well...in my history that was a big challenge, especially if I was single at the time. I do have some good guy friends, but if I met them before I was married, we went out at least once before deciding that wasn't going to work!

The one guy I tried to be just friends with no going out kept pressuring me for more. It’s too bad because we are no longer even friends because of that.

It's too easy to "test the waters" if you put two single opposite-sexed people together to hang out. Why not see what's there? Unless, of course, you're repulsed by them!

It tends to be easier for women to be just friends with men than it is for men to be just friends with women. Most of the time, they hope that they will be able to get at least a little sex out of it!

The Importance of Girlfriends

I attended a self-esteem workshop for women last night, not as a participant, but as an observer because I had numerous clients attending and I wanted to see what it was all about. I was amazed.

First of all, I was pleased to see that it was not a feminist-driven workshop. It really did focus on your own "shit" and that it was up to you to turn it around. Secondly, it was so empowering giving the participants the tools necessary to start changing how they view themselves. It's not up to anyone else; you have to work at it and figure out what works for you.

One of the primary focuses was about how women loose their voices because of family and societal expectations placed on us... we can't be loud because we are supposed to speak softly; if we are aggressive we are bitches; if we are athletic we must be dikes; we are supposed to want to be mothers and wives and if we don’t, well, we just don’t fit in now do we?

If we don't fit into these expectations and choose to live outside the female box, we are often times ostracized and have difficulty finding our niche. One of the biggest challenges we face as women is staying true to ourselves especially when we are in a relationship. That is where even the strongest of women tend to give up pieces of who they are because that's what we are supposed to do.

Think back to elementary school...it was fairly egalitarian. Now think about junior high...this is where we started to shift our focus away from our girlfriends onto the boys. It became a competitive world out there with our sisters. We wanted the boys! And that girl wearing those tight jeans was no longer our friend but our competition. Slut!

See how easy it is to start being petty rather than sisterly? Thank goodness that I am in a time in my life where I truly value the friendship and support of my sisters. I don't feel the need to compete anymore, so now I can focus on how important those relationships with women really are to me.

Did you know that having a good support system in place is one of the top factors contributing to mental well-being? Let go of the competitions and return to a place that’s warm, kind and supportive. Take time to join a women’s group, whether it’s a soft-ball team, a knitting group or a book club. Go out there and find out what you can get from being connected to other women.

Don’t go ditching your men though! They play just as important of a role in our lives. This is just a gentle reminder to stay connected to your girl posse!