If you really want to avoid getting closer to your partner, here are the top ten ways to accomplish that goal:
Rule #1: Don’t talk!
Rule #2: Never show your feelings!
Rule #3: Always be pleasant!
Rule #4: Always win!
Rule #5: Always keep busy!
Rule #6: Always be right!
Rule #7: Never argue or disagree!
Rule #8: Make your partner guess what you want!
Rule #9: Always look out for number one!
Rule #10: Keep the television on!
Warning: This in not a comprehensive list. You may have other ways that have worked just as well for you in avoiding intimacy. Make sure to add your own methods to this list and then make sure not to share this list with your partner.
Source: Adapted from the FLEducator. (1985, Winter). 4:2
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Friday, April 6, 2007
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Is porn bad?!
Here is the question:
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years.. we have great sex life.. the only thing is that he likes porn. I don't like knowing this bc it makes me feel like maybe I'm not good enough an it makes me jealous to know hes getting off on watching other women..
He wants to watch it with me an I've tried but it seems to bother me and make me think of him as a perve... is this bad that my bf likes porno? is it normal? does this mean hes going to cheat or something?
Dear Worried,
It is very normal that he likes pornography. Most men do because they are visual creatures; more so than women, but it’s also very common for women to enjoy them. They tap into our imaginations and our fantasies and that’s a big part of good and normal sex.
It’s not an indication at all of cheating! Let that one go. And just because he watches porn, it certainly does not make him a perv. If it is “creepy” porn (violent, children, etc) then I would worry.
And while I know that it’s easy for us as women to feel we are being compared to those girls, that’s not usually the case. As long as he’s really NOT comparing you to them and expecting you to look like them with their photo-shopped bodies! Hopefully he makes you feel special and beautiful and the porns are simply a supplement to your very healthy love life!
On the other hand, don’t ever let someone force you to do something that’s not comfortable for you. Keep in mind also that being open means you will find things you didn’t even know you liked!
Life’s an adventure and hopefully so is your love-life! Good luck and stay true to yourself!
Dori
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years.. we have great sex life.. the only thing is that he likes porn. I don't like knowing this bc it makes me feel like maybe I'm not good enough an it makes me jealous to know hes getting off on watching other women..
He wants to watch it with me an I've tried but it seems to bother me and make me think of him as a perve... is this bad that my bf likes porno? is it normal? does this mean hes going to cheat or something?
Dear Worried,
It is very normal that he likes pornography. Most men do because they are visual creatures; more so than women, but it’s also very common for women to enjoy them. They tap into our imaginations and our fantasies and that’s a big part of good and normal sex.
It’s not an indication at all of cheating! Let that one go. And just because he watches porn, it certainly does not make him a perv. If it is “creepy” porn (violent, children, etc) then I would worry.
And while I know that it’s easy for us as women to feel we are being compared to those girls, that’s not usually the case. As long as he’s really NOT comparing you to them and expecting you to look like them with their photo-shopped bodies! Hopefully he makes you feel special and beautiful and the porns are simply a supplement to your very healthy love life!
On the other hand, don’t ever let someone force you to do something that’s not comfortable for you. Keep in mind also that being open means you will find things you didn’t even know you liked!
Life’s an adventure and hopefully so is your love-life! Good luck and stay true to yourself!
Dori
Friday, March 23, 2007
The Importance of Girlfriends
I attended a self-esteem workshop for women last night, not as a participant, but as an observer because I had numerous clients attending and I wanted to see what it was all about. I was amazed.
First of all, I was pleased to see that it was not a feminist-driven workshop. It really did focus on your own "shit" and that it was up to you to turn it around. Secondly, it was so empowering giving the participants the tools necessary to start changing how they view themselves. It's not up to anyone else; you have to work at it and figure out what works for you.
One of the primary focuses was about how women loose their voices because of family and societal expectations placed on us... we can't be loud because we are supposed to speak softly; if we are aggressive we are bitches; if we are athletic we must be dikes; we are supposed to want to be mothers and wives and if we don’t, well, we just don’t fit in now do we?
If we don't fit into these expectations and choose to live outside the female box, we are often times ostracized and have difficulty finding our niche. One of the biggest challenges we face as women is staying true to ourselves especially when we are in a relationship. That is where even the strongest of women tend to give up pieces of who they are because that's what we are supposed to do.
Think back to elementary school...it was fairly egalitarian. Now think about junior high...this is where we started to shift our focus away from our girlfriends onto the boys. It became a competitive world out there with our sisters. We wanted the boys! And that girl wearing those tight jeans was no longer our friend but our competition. Slut!
See how easy it is to start being petty rather than sisterly? Thank goodness that I am in a time in my life where I truly value the friendship and support of my sisters. I don't feel the need to compete anymore, so now I can focus on how important those relationships with women really are to me.
Did you know that having a good support system in place is one of the top factors contributing to mental well-being? Let go of the competitions and return to a place that’s warm, kind and supportive. Take time to join a women’s group, whether it’s a soft-ball team, a knitting group or a book club. Go out there and find out what you can get from being connected to other women.
Don’t go ditching your men though! They play just as important of a role in our lives. This is just a gentle reminder to stay connected to your girl posse!
First of all, I was pleased to see that it was not a feminist-driven workshop. It really did focus on your own "shit" and that it was up to you to turn it around. Secondly, it was so empowering giving the participants the tools necessary to start changing how they view themselves. It's not up to anyone else; you have to work at it and figure out what works for you.
One of the primary focuses was about how women loose their voices because of family and societal expectations placed on us... we can't be loud because we are supposed to speak softly; if we are aggressive we are bitches; if we are athletic we must be dikes; we are supposed to want to be mothers and wives and if we don’t, well, we just don’t fit in now do we?
If we don't fit into these expectations and choose to live outside the female box, we are often times ostracized and have difficulty finding our niche. One of the biggest challenges we face as women is staying true to ourselves especially when we are in a relationship. That is where even the strongest of women tend to give up pieces of who they are because that's what we are supposed to do.
Think back to elementary school...it was fairly egalitarian. Now think about junior high...this is where we started to shift our focus away from our girlfriends onto the boys. It became a competitive world out there with our sisters. We wanted the boys! And that girl wearing those tight jeans was no longer our friend but our competition. Slut!
See how easy it is to start being petty rather than sisterly? Thank goodness that I am in a time in my life where I truly value the friendship and support of my sisters. I don't feel the need to compete anymore, so now I can focus on how important those relationships with women really are to me.
Did you know that having a good support system in place is one of the top factors contributing to mental well-being? Let go of the competitions and return to a place that’s warm, kind and supportive. Take time to join a women’s group, whether it’s a soft-ball team, a knitting group or a book club. Go out there and find out what you can get from being connected to other women.
Don’t go ditching your men though! They play just as important of a role in our lives. This is just a gentle reminder to stay connected to your girl posse!
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